This Wasn't Supposed To Be Love
by white dawn22
Summary: They weren't supposed to fall in love. But he was glad that they did.


**Hello guys! This is another story of mine and I hope you all enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH**

 _This Wasn't Supposed To Be Love_

Kuchiki Byakuya walked silently through the woods and green grass. He had some place to be. He needed to pay someone a visit. As he continued his silent march through the deep forest, the skies slowy began to turn gray and soon after, it began to rain. In a matter of minutes, Byakuya was completely soaked. But he was okay with it. The rain was, in his opinion, rather soothing. But on a day like today, no amount of rain will be able to soothe the pain in his heart.

His walk was surprisingly short. But then again, it always was. Byakuya stopped and looked up when he reached his destination. In front of him was a large sakura tree. The only one that could be seen for miles. Right in front of the tree was a small tombstone. The larger one was far away, in the 6th squad barracks. Byakuya supposed that he could have gone to that one, but this one meant much more to him. This tombstone was special to him. After all, he was the one that spent his time building it. And besides, this one was much more private. Byakuya could just speak his mind without having to worry about other people listening in.

Byakuya slowly approached the stone. He crouched down and observed the stone silently.

''It's been five years.'' he finally spoke, after moments of silence.

''I find it odd that you still have a hold on me, even though you are gone. It makes me wonder how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me.'' Byakuya spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

''Rukia is having a very hard time, you know. All of us are. But I think that Rukia is having the most difficult time. She hardly speaks. She goes on suicide missions all the time now. I know that she has gotten stronger, but I fear that one day, her strength won't be enough. I fear that one day, she will leave and never come back. And then I will be truly alone.'' Byakuya snorted at his words.

''How ironic. I used to relish in the idea of being alone, but now, I find that being alone is the thing that I fear most in this world. Maybe I have always feared it and was too much of a coward to admit it. It wouldn't be the first time. I did the same thing with you, after all. And it will be a mistake that I will regret for the rest of my days.'' Byakuya slowly lifted a hand and gently caressed the side of the tombstone.

''It wasn't supposed to be like this.'' he whispered. ''You weren't supposed to die. And I wasn't supposed to miss you. But you made me miss you. You made me cry when you were gone. And I wonder every day, how you did it. And I know that it is pointless to ask you questions when I know that you can't answer them. And it frustrates me. I want to know how you did it. I want to know so badly. I want you to give me an answer. But you can't. You can't because your dead. And I know that I shouldn't ask but I will anyway. So, how did you do it, Renji Abarai? How did you make me fall in love with you?'' Byakuya asked. As usual, his questions were met with silence. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes.

''I should have known better. I always know better. No matter how many times I ask, I will never get an answer. But that won't stop me from asking. I will always ask, even though I know that I won't get a response. And I know that that makes me a fool, but I don't care. I don't care if I'm a fool.'' Byakuya sighed.

''I still remember the day that we became more than just captain and luietenant. You had followed me back to my manor wanting to confess something. When I asked you what that something was, you simply said that you felt something for me. But you strictly said that it wasn't love. And that night, I confessed something to you too. I also felt something for you as well. But it wasn't love. At least, not at the time. And I still remember what you said after we had confessed our feelings. You suggested that we become more than captain and luietenant. You suggested that we should have a more physical relationship. One where if one of us should ever need a release, we come to each other. It was only supposed to be sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Just sex. We were not lovers. There were no feelings involved. Just sex. And that worked, for a while. And then our feelings did get involved. At least, mine did. I started to fall for you without even knowing it. And it was only a matter of time before I realized it. And when I did, I knew that I couldn't continue with our current relationship. Because it would only cause me heartache if I did. But every time I thought about breaking things off, I didn't. I didn't because if I did, than I would lose everything that we had. I would lose that closeness that I had with you. But worst of all, I would lose you. Because as soon as I ended things, we would go back to our old relationship. We would go back to being captain and luietenant. And I just couldn't risk it. I didn't want to risk it. Because you, Renji Abarai, made me feel something for someone that I haven't felt in a long time. And I will be eternally grateful.'' Byakuya's voice had gone surprisingly soft. He inhaled and exhaled deeply.

''But, that was a long time ago. Long before those wretched quinces showed up and took you from me. I still remember it. I still remember your blood on my haori. I remember you taking your final breath. But what I remember most of all is what you said to me. Your last words. I will never forget those words. They will be forever etched into my memory. Just like you.'' Byakuya closed his eyes and let himself get lost in his memories.

 _The sound of swords clashing could be heard for miles. Dirt and blood covered his entire body. Byakuya was at his limit. But so was his enemy. All he needed was one good strike. He and Renji had gotten separated from the others in the explosion that shook the soul king's palace. They managed to get a few moments alone together before their quincy friends showed up. And that was the beginning of their own separate battles. They were faring nicely against their oppenents. At least, in the beginning they were. But as the fight dragged on, they began to tire. Their moves became sloppy. But they trudged on. They needed to win. They needed to save Soul Society. They needed to protect their home._

 _Byakuya watched his oppenent stumble back. This was his chance. He raised his blade and stabbed the quincy right in the chest. He fell to the ground, dead. Byakuya almost fell to the ground himself. But now wasn't the time to rest. He had to make sure that Renji was alright. Just as he was about to look for his luietenant, he heard his name being screamed out._

 _''BYAKUYA!''_

 _Byakuya turned and saw a quincy charging toward him at an alarming speed. Byakuya was defenseless. He couldn't protect himself. He was too weak. So he stood there, waiting to be killed. Except, that didn't happen. It wasn't Byakuya's blood that got spilled. No, it was someone else's. Byakuya's eyes widened as he watched Renji take the hit. He watched as Renji fell, his blood spilling out of his body. Byakuya stood there, frozen. A loud thump brought him back to reality. The quincy was dead. Renji must have delivered a fatal blow before the quincy came charging at him. He knew he was going to die so he tried to kill him before that happened. But none of that mattered. Renji was dying._

 _Byakuya dropped to his knees and gently turned Renji around to get a better look at his wound. Byakuya cringed when he saw it. There was a gaping hole in Renji's chest. Blood continued to pour from the hole. There was no way that he could heal this. And no one knew where they were. They were all alone. Byakuya started to panic. He didn't know what to do. Renji coughed and slowly opened his eyes. He gave Byakuya a small smile._

 _''I'm glad that you're alright.'' he said, his voice hoarse. Byakuya just stared at him._

 _''Why? Why did you do it?'' he asked. His eyes began to blur with tears, but he refused to let them fall. Renji chuckled lightly._

 _''I did it because I'm your luietenant. It's my job to protect you. And also,'' Renji voice broke and he started coughing up blood. After a few minutes, the coughing stopped. Renji moaned._

 _''I didn't want you to die. And if you got hit, I knew that you would. And I didn't want that.''_

 _''But why?'' Byakuya questioned. Renji smiled at him._

 _''Beacuse you are everything to me. Without you, I wouldn't be here. You gave me a reason to fight. I wanted to surpass you, so I trained. I trained because of you. I worked so hard because I wanted to be on your level. I wanted to be able to stand next to and not feel ashamed. I wanted you to notice me. And you did. That night at your manor, I finally got you to notice me. And ever since that day, my life has been complete. I know that we weren't supposed to fall in love. But I did. And I'm glad that I did. Because without you giving my life reason, I would be nowhere. I would still be Rukongai trash. But because of you, I am no longer trash. Because of you, I am something so much more. So, thank you. Thank you. You are my hero, Byakuya. And I'm glad to have met you. It was an honor to fight along side you. An honor that I will never forget. I will never forget you Byakuya.'' Renji lifted a bloody hand and gently caressed Byakuya's cheek._

 _''I love you.'' he whispered. His hand fell and his entire body went limp. Byakuya stared at Renji's dead body, eyes widened in shock. Then, very slowly, he pulled Renji to his chest and buried his face in Renji's red hair._

 _''I love you too.'' he whispered, tears running down his cheeks._

''I love you. And I'm sorry that I didn't say it sooner. If I had, then maybe we could have been happy. Even if that happiness only last for a short time. If I did that, then maybe my heart wouldn't hurt so much.'' Byakuya slowly got up from his position on the ground.

''I know that we weren't supposed to fall in love, but I'm glad that we did. You made my life complete too, Renji. You allowed me to move on. Before you, my life had stopped. Or at least, that's how it felt to me. Hisana was gone and a part of me left with her. I may have been here physically, but I wasn't here emotionally. That part of me was gone and I was afraid that it wasn't coming back. But you did it. You brought that part of me back. So, thank you. Thank you for loving me, Renji. I won't forget you either.''

With one final smile, Byakuya turned and left. As he was walking away he saw a lone cherry blossom fly past him. He also heard what he thought was a whisper disappear in the wind.

 _I love you._

 **OoOOoOoOoOOoOoOOo**

 **I hope that you guys enjoyed this oneshot. It was really fun writing it.**

 **Please read and review.**


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